curiousity caught up with the cat

Here's another cute guy. Gahd.

2010-01-21T12:04:00.003+08:00

If you see him in person, you'll fall right away. I promise:D

New Find. I find this guy really cute.:)

2010-01-20T22:44:00.004+08:00

Benefits: A heterosexual relationship does have its perks.

2009-11-18T22:11:00.002+08:00

The benefits of a heterosexual relationship is a one-way street. It is very unilateral. It goes from the guy giving to the girl, or simply put, the girl benefitting from the guy.

However way we put it, the girl in the end gains in this type of relationship.

I'm currently in some coffee shop here down south. Trying to get some reading done. Apparently, couples abound this coffee shop to get some "us" time and be all public about their relationship. Anyway, it's just funny to me, how the girl just chooses what she wants from the menu and makes the guy pay for whatever that is.

There was this one incident when a girl storms this same exact coffee shop. Orders. Points to the guy to pay for what she ordered. Amazing. To think that the guy was really cute.

It's just plain unfair, or at least just damn, "girl-centered". This kind of role assignment is not that apparent in homosexual relationships. It shifts from time to time. In one occasion, it could be person A paying, then on the next, it's person B. Nothing is set in stone, unlike in heterosexual relationship wherein the "who pays role" is set and going against it would result in unwarranted consequences like:

a.) The girl thinking the guy doesn't value her that much.

b.) There is no future to this at all.

c.) This guy is just in it for the "other benefits". (i.e. sex, glory of having a pretty girl in arm, etc.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really against the idea. If I were playing the "girl" role, I'd be pretty much game about it. Then again, i would feel too guilty about the situation that I would think that I'm taking advantage of the other person, so I would rather not.

To cap things, I'd prefer going dutch about everything just like how quasi-contracts are.

"A quasi-contract is that juridical relation resulting from certain lawful, voluntary and unilateral acts by virtue of which the parties become bound to each other to the end that no one will be unjustly enriched or benefited at the expense of another." (Art. 2142, Civil Code)

To post or not to post?

2009-11-02T13:49:00.007+08:00

I've been out of the loop for awhile now, but I guess it's just as timely that I post something so my blog doesn't look so stale, forgotten and abandoned.

So what has happened to me in the past few months...

Hmm... life has been hell busy. I had to stick to a routine aka schedule. That if I take a break for just one minute, everything crumbles. Not that I'm complaining, but hey. It's people like me who get shoutouts like "Get a life!", "All work and no play means NO FUN," and all the other kinds.

It's a new concept to me to not be able to take an entire day off in a week. I mean people need rest too you know? But that's not possible nowadays, good thing A1H1 and Ondoy happened. Not that I'm happy about what happened to the other people, but I'm just looking at the other flip of the coin. I mean, if it weren't for Ondoy

or A1H1 I would not have been able to cope up with everything I need during the past months. I always look at the glass half full rather than half empty.:)

That sums up my "life".

Sorta.

But hey, more updates.

Umm... I have this crush that I've seen a couple of times. I actually took a stolen shot of him when we w

ere in a symposium somewhere. He almost caught but good thing for my "acting skills". He had the notion that I was just playing with my phone.

So here he is. Check him out.:)

My newest crush... Raoul Bova

2009-01-29T23:08:00.002+08:00

Just a dull Sunday.

2009-01-25T14:46:00.003+08:00

I was thinking about this guy who has so much potential to be someone who could be the one. Although, I do have qualms about the idea, since...

1. He's like 4 freaking years younger than me.

2. He's still very new to the whole scene. (This could be a good thing actually)

3. He's still studying.

Anyway, those are just thoughts. Hopefully, everything turns out OK.

It's his birthday this coming week. I'm actually planning to give a gift. Kinda hefty for a gift to a supposed just friend, but what the heck. Hopefully he'd like it.:)

So what else comes to mind now...

I saw my forever crush for 2 years. He is all I've been thinking he'd be. Finally saw him. Another happy thought right here.

I need to be more firm with my workout habits now. Things are looking good now. *crossing fingers* Hopefully, I see more improvements though.:D

Anyway, just tidbits of how I am now and the promising stuff that lies ahead.

I'm reading more now. A friend recommended "Blink". Try reading it. It's worth it they say...

All my randomness in one go.:D

A bit of updates.

2008-10-29T15:21:00.003+08:00

Just recently came out to my close friends in college. They were not alarmed or thrown off by my confession, since I've been somewhat hinting on it for a long time now.

The first one I came out to was a friend whose brother I went out with. It was hilarious talking about those days when her brother was all sweet and loving towards me. Now that's history. Even her brother's sweetness and love is in the past as well, as he turned out to be something completely opposite.

When I've already told most of them, they mentioned that they've already been passing along that "news" within our small group and the funny thing is that they were all expecting me to come out to each one of them. They really are friends of mine.

Anyway, I did come out to almost all of them, except to one. I was hesitant about telling her since I feel she's my younger sister and that I don't want her to think any less of me as her "kuya". Anyway, friends told me that she feels left out with me not telling her about my "little secret".

Hopefully, I can tell her. Soon.

Another twist on my life is that I've been going out with numerous guys lately. They've range in age, looks and physique. However, I've just been so attached to one in particular that the others that I've gone out with after him didn't have that certain feel that I was looking for; hence, no relationship material. The sad part about the story is, the guy who I'm hoping to be the one is currently trying to move on from his painful past relationship which I remind him of, since I was a somewhat part of the whole break up shebang. As of now, there's no sign of us being together.

Now, I need to move on. Detach from the feeling of wanting him to be mine.

There are others to entertain. Let's just wait and see.:)

A song that keeps playing...

2008-10-29T15:17:00.002+08:00

When Will It Be Me - Yasmeen

A song that keeps playing.

That makes me long.

When will it be me?

It has been awhile...

2008-08-13T12:34:00.005+08:00

I've taken such a long break from blogging for more reasons than one.

So here goes...

I've been out of the country for almost 4 months now and "time" hasn't been on my side. Blogging isn't possible with all the hectic schedule that I've been forced to follow and the "one computer to 5 user" ratio that I have to go through. Therefore no blogging about my secret/unknown life beyond my "usual" self.

As of just last week, I finally met one of my ultimate crushes that I met through the internet. And although he isn't the type of guy everyone would go googoo-gaga over in terms of his present built, he has the face that would really catch anyone's attention. Crushing on him has taken a different turn when I saw him for real, I felt that I was going beyond the boundaries of "crushes" per se. I wanted him to be mine, even for a short time, since I'm bound for home in a month or so. But that won't be possible at all, because he is currently in a long distance relationship attempting to make things work, so honesty and faithfulness is an utmost priority.

So there.... we met and I even slept over in their house for more bonding moments and what have you.

To make the long story , short, I was tempted. I resisted. I now am truly pass liking him.

But the true friend that I am, I will just be content with enjoying the gift of being able to watch him sleep soundly beside me. And dream in a different world where I am his and he is mine.:)

Someone I find really... COMPLETE.

2008-01-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

Head to toe, you're just perfect. Funny thing is... your entire family/relatives are.;)

A plus is that... you have that bad boy look, but then again, I know you're a good boy to the core.:D

The ability to hold a note is always a plus...:)

2008-01-09T01:00:00.001+08:00

Don't you just agree?

Someone who can sing you love songs, lullabies, and practically any song in tune is so dreamy.

Haayyy...

Please sing me to sleep as I hear your voice in my head over and over...

One of those dreamy guys...

2008-01-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

Can I be yours?:P

Remember IS guy?

2007-12-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

He was almost mine for all the right reasons, but was only good till it lasted. I kinda still miss him, but then again, I guess we weren't meant to be.

Straight as straight can be...

2007-12-26T20:38:00.000+08:00

Someone with a voice to swoon over. The face to ogle on. Cute good boy to the core. Smart. haayy... I have to stop. All these plus more, but as my title says... He's super straight!:D

But can't we all dream?:P

First time...

2007-12-25T17:54:00.000+08:00

It was a big leap for me.

I was going to venture to the point of no return.

I was going to the haven of G4M aficionados...

Well, it all started with an old G4M friend inviting me to come over and see the place for myself. I was very hesitant at first, because I was with... But as soon as I mentioned the invitation, I was urged to try it out and enjoy myself. So I went...

Now getting there and finding a place to park is a whole new story all together.

So here goes...

As soon as I arrived, I asked friends who were inside to come out and meet me. Thank God to one of my friends, he got me in without any hassle at all. This was the monumental moment, I was about to go in... The first person you'd notice would be the guy in black. He was just oh-so-buff. (Now that's an appetizer alright) So when I got in, I hurriedly went out again, to postpone the experience. Staying outside had rewards of its own. You'd see people more "clearer". So around 1am, we rushed in to get a good place inside.

I started surveying the place for familiar faces and lo and behold, it was all so familiar. The faces from the net were magically given life to. After a long wait, friends from all over started to pour in and I was saying hi and telling short anecdotes about the people coming in.

But one person, made me think that night. It was a guy who found me from one other site and initiated a whole new friendship with a really fast pace, but things didn't go as well, because I wasn't really digging the guy. (Personal preferences involved)

Here's the guy...

But then again, when I saw him there that night/morning I wanted to say hi. Due to my bad memory, I didn't remember his name and couldn't find his number in my phone(I might not have saved it). Anyway, that night/morning had its plus side, I got to see this guy in black...

Soon enough, my clock showed 3:30am... SO I had to go home.:)

I've watched a lot...

2007-12-09T18:46:00.000+08:00

I can honestly say that I'm very much updated with the movies nowadays. More of the social life I've had before, but what gives... Haha!:)

GO figure.

1. Batanes
2. The Golden Compass
3. Enchanted
4. The Game Plan

Semi-updated lang naman, pero pwede na di ba?:P

More than anything...

2007-12-09T18:20:00.000+08:00

I just watched a really heart warming flick--"Enchanted"--just recently. The plot is pretty simple, but it was somehow revved up by turning a typical love story movie into a musicale. But to all the nice songs and catchy melody, it says much about how fairy tales have tended to sugarcoat much of the romances that we hope for in life. No matter how pleasant we want our future love story to be, we should always keep in mind a lot of what we see won't say much about how real life is.

So how's your version of "Enchanted" going to be?:)

Much in a day...

2007-11-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

Going to the gym today has been very eventful.

First...
A guy who I'm currently exchanging messages with in a very known site, has shown himself again. This isn't the first time I've seen him. He is actually an ex of my pseudo-bf before, but then again, they are just friends now. Anyway, this guy has a really rockin' body. He has those washboard abs we all wish we had and I just love his legs... Really muscular. Nice.:)

Well, he seems really nice, but he didn't recognized me at all. But I did see him staring for awhile, maybe I did look familiar. Maybe he just opted not to say hi, because he thought I didn't recognize him. That's what he thinks. Haha!:D

Second... (really weird thing)
When I was showering after the steam room, I saw undies on top of the dividing wall of my shower room. Upon careful surveillance, I concurred that someone left his undies. So mister weird me thought, why not bring it home maybe someone really HOT wore it before. So there, I did bring it home...

Upon opening it up at home, I was surprise that the boxer-type undies had a perfectly cut hole on the bottom area just exactly under the anus area. For real. Weird noh? Poor undies. Oh well, I threw it away. It just spells HORNY over and over.

So anyone who could top that of?:P

I love this...

2007-10-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

I just found this really interesting video through my friend's friend's video post.
And right there and the then, I fell in love with how neat and superb a low-budget film could be.:D

Just go watch it...

ENJOY!:D

Wishful thinking...

2007-10-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

Can you be mine? Please?!?:)

When priorities get mixed up...

2007-10-15T04:07:00.000+08:00

I finally finished my paper for major subject. I only have one worry. I recycled an old paper. Will I get caught? Will I get reprimanded for it? My only alibi would be, it still came from me. I didn't copy it from anyone else. Oh well... Hopefully, that alibi would pass.:)

Anyway, I'm just so happy that I finally get that over with. One more requirement to go and I'm free.:D

Freedom here I come.:)

You'll see more of my posts then... Hopefully.:)

Friendships made online...

2007-10-07T20:04:00.000+08:00

Are they worth it? Are they going to last? Are they worthwhile?

Well, I just had my experience of a crashing end to two friendships I made online. One was a so so friendship, but it ended up badly. The second one is something that I got used to already. A friendship that almost lasted for almost a year. We've shared much about each other and have been part of each other's lives like brothers, but then again he opted to let go. Maybe out of convenience or something that would less burden him. Although, I just wish I could turn back time and do stuff much differently to save the friendship.

Sad.:'(

...

2007-10-03T08:36:00.000+08:00

When choosing to forget wins over fighting for what's worth keeping, just because it's convenient... Now. That's just sad.:'(

Another thing that I'm sad about...

2007-09-16T22:04:00.001+08:00

I was not myself when I got home last night, kaya...

yun...

my Booey...

got hurt.:'(

Hayayay... Caramba...

2007-09-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

I had a fight with one of my closest friends. I'm just sad and jaded at the same time. I don't even know what happened. He just started going at me.

Oh well...

We've been through a lot. We'll be okay after a few days or so.

All I'm going to say is that I'm going to miss him.:'(

Meeting other people frenzy...

2007-09-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

I remember a time, when I had a day booked with first time encounters with around 4-5 guys. It sounds crazy I know, but I did have my organizing hat on, so transition from one guy to the next was smooth. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have bad intentions or perverse/egotistic reasons for meeting them all on the same day, it just so happens that they were all free that day, and I was in a "Carpe Diem" mode then, so there.

This kind of thing isn't really that good, especially on the budget, so think twice before considering a meet up with a lot of people on the same day.

Better yet, just do the safe thing and wait another week or so till you've "screened" these guys out more to ensure that they are really worth meeting up with.

But then again, every time you turn down a possible meet up might mean that you have also turned down another opportunity at happiness.

Keep at it and when you find thee "ONE", stick to "ONE".:)

Friend from play?

2007-09-12T22:33:00.000+08:00

I guess I had you wondering who that friend was, right?

Well, "friend" is someone I've been going out with for the past two weeks. We've been doing things together. (Things that normal people do in public, not what your green little minds are thinking.) "Friend" and I have been hitting it off in terms of chemistry and all that. We could talk about anything and everything under the sun. We enjoy each others company. We aren't afraid to be seen together. Don't get me wrong, I've been in communication with "friend" for more than two months now and it just so happened that we decided to meet up just recently.

Whatever I have with "friend" is something that has no expectations attached whatsoever, unlike my past "friendships" wherein hints of a relationship always abound from both ends, mostly from my end of the line. The social relationship I have with "friend" is something that I would want to have for a long time, but then again, I have my qualms regarding what I can and can not do in terms of meeting, going out, etc. with other people. Should I not entertain other people or should I still be on the prowl? This question is not easily answered by yes or no, especially, if the person that I have now is indeed a potential who might possibly want to keep a "just us" social relationship without me knowing. Then entertaining other people would create tension between us and later on impossibility for whatever it would have resulted in, if I acted otherwise.

This question just haunts me all the time. I still continue to chat with people from "thee site". Just to clear things up, I didn't meet "friend" there. I met him elsewhere. In some place, considered to be GP.

Well, I just hope things become more clearer. SOON.

Play enthusiast?

2007-09-12T21:22:00.000+08:00

Just this past week, I was able to watch three theatrical plays -- two in UP and one in the Ateneo. This says so much about my love for the arts, but don't let this fool you, I won't just go to any play. A factor that I consider in most of the plays that I watch is the reviews from friends that have already gone to see the play. If a friend says that it's no good, then I won't go, and if a friend raves about it, then I would. That's how it is with me and plays.

Well, regarding the first play that I watch, it was a thesis of a friend. Go figure.

The second one was a play that I had to accompany my friend to watch. I slept through most of it, but the parts that I was able to watch was really good. I even had a semi-crush on the lead. One thing that made an impact with me was the torrid kissing at the latter part of the play wherein three-four couples where locking lips for a really long 2-3 minutes. Garsh. I envy the partner of the lead.

Well, the third one was something that I really want to watch. I suggest that you guys watch it too in the Ateneo. The title of the play is "Fluid" by Floy Quintos. I really had a great time watching this play. It was an easy on the brain/direct to the point kind of play. I promise that you'd surely enjoy it. You can search for details on the net.:)

HIGHLIGHTS:
One of the come-ons why I watched the play in the Ateneo was that of the teaser made by director Floy Quintos in a radio program. He actually raves about how great a body Jake Lopez has and how he was able to flaunt it in the play.

Then I go... Hmm... Interesting, so I decided to watch the play.

Arriving at the venue was a terrible mess, because the manong guard's directions was plain-ol "magulo". Anyways, as I was eagerly waiting for the play to start, the couple/online friends of mine come in (they're the guys that I saw in Greenbelt. One of my older posts). Then I go, "Oh no! Sana di nila ako makita or marecognize." To make the long story short, I am assuming that they indeed are a couple now. Haha!:D

The play itself had its own share of hightlights. Haayyy... Guys kissing on stage. What a dream. I actually felt envious and just wanted to kiss the friend I had with me. Haha!:D

The image of my ULTIMATE crush...

2007-08-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

Just to give you a glimpse of the kind of man I'd want to be with...

ting I D E A ting

2007-07-23T10:38:00.000+08:00

Just something that I sometimes regret, but then again, not so much for the practical reasons of it...

Why didn't I just go to Ateneo or DLSU where all the CANDY/MEG cuties are?

In those schools, I would have had the time of my life. Haayy... This thought came to me when I was on my way somewhere in Vito Cruz (DLSU turf). As I was walking my way to my destination, I was so amazed at every corner of every street of everywhere there were HOTTIES, CUTIES, EYE CANDies, and all sorts of crushables around the area. I was in HEAVEN at that time, but then I thought, "I would have ogled at everyone in school that I wouldn't have any decent grades to show for the very pricey tuition fee that that school had." So comes the realization of content and satisfaction that I had. It might be a little rare that I find such "gems" in school, but when I do, they're also the brightest and smartest of all these "crushables" combined.

NOW, BEAT THAT!:D

He was just so... WAAHHH!!! I had to get my ninja prowess on.

2007-07-23T10:13:00.000+08:00

My title isn't much of a title, but it does get your attention, doesn't it?

Short story...

Cause: My car... crash... boom... whappack...

Effect: Palabas po? Bayad po. Mantrade. Quezon Ave. po...

Gets nyo ba? Basta.

Upon riding the jeepney, I was thinking of all the possible things that I might have for this afternoon's itinerary. Then out of nowhere this guy with oozing... let me say that again, OOZING sex appeal and good looks went in to ride the jeepney. Then I had a thought bubble...

(This is the best way to start a day. Ogle at such an eye candy of a man.)

You can imagine me staring, glaring, imagining all those thought phrases about this guy. He was such a dream. Haayy... I wanted to be in his arms and cuddling him and smelling that manly sex appeal off him. Haha! Enough bout that...

So there I was wanting to immortalize the thought of such a man that I actually took out my phone and started taking pictures of him hoping that no one inside the jeep would take notice. Although I was successful, one regret I had was I wasn't able to take his picture when he was looking towards the direction of where my phone was before I kept it. Now, that would have been the best way to immortalize such an idol of narcissistic beauty and manliness. With that picture, I bet, you'd also be ogling at him. Well, this is the best visual aid that I provide you guys, so be SATISFIED.

Anyway, a thought just came to me, is this guy one of us or is he straight as a ruler?

Can you believe it? I'm one of those "luckiest" people in the world in the most "luckiest" day of the millenium ever day?:)

2007-07-18T10:02:00.000+08:00

Anyway, that was just a catch phrase. Nothing much though.

I would just like to share that people from my online world has shown their faces to me in the "real" world without them even knowing it.:)

Well, just last weekend, I was watching Harry Potter with some HS friends. As the credits were flashing, I saw someone really familiar. Hmm... He really does look familiar, so I stared and tried to imagine where I know him from. Then it hit me. *toink* He's that guy from that blog that you keep visiting. Haha! Amazing! I said to myself, of all days and all occasions why now? Haha!:D

How do I describe this guy... He was... Nah! No descriptions for you my friend, coz you read my blog as well. Haha!:D

Anyway, after the movie, my friends and I went to Kitchen to have some dinner. Then one my friends asked if I can accompany her to the nearest Mercury Drug Store, so I said okay. As we were on our way to the nearest one in Greenbelt 1, I saw two oddly familiar guys walking towards the opposite direction. Then I started laughing. Haha! It was the two guys that I message online, and they were together. They had a different effect on me. Seeing them together had me smiling. It was such a HAPPY thought seeing them together. And they really looked good as a couple. I swear. Really cute.:)

Just my mundane stuff... Coz I'm not just that horny guy, okay?

PS I actually enjoy the mundane more than other things.

The Legend of the Dark Knight Lives!

2007-07-18T10:01:00.001+08:00

After my gym session, I took a jeepney ride to go home. As I step inside my ride, I noticed the strange look of someone inside. Strange because I can feel that this someone’s stare is trying to figure out if I’m game. I ignored the stare since I am tired and my muscles are sore from lifting. As I step inside, this someone moved from his seat as if offering me the seat next to him. Again I ignored the initiative and sat on the other side. For some unknown reason, I sat in front of him. And so the game begins…

I’m a very observant person. I make sure that I am aware of what’s going on inside the vehicle. As I look inside the jeep and its passenger, I noticed that the guy in front of me is staring at me. When I stared back at him, he didn’t budge. He just sat there staring at me. I removed my eyes from him and returned my gaze to the people at the streets. And every time my head will be turning towards him, I can see him staring at me, as if daring me to stare back at him. A thought crossed my mind. So when the jeep stopped to pick up some passengers, I returned his stare. This time, he looked away but returned to staring when the passengers settled in their seats. Several minutes passed as we stare at each other with poker faces, his eyes suddenly moved! He’s looking at his crotch area. I got the signal and stared at his crotch. He’s holding it discreetly. And since he’s wearing slacks, I can see the outline of his fully erect cock. I returned my gaze to his face determined not to show any reaction. We stare at each other while his hand rest on his dick. I mustered every self control I have not to smile. I will not lose this game. And since I am not prepared to be outdone, I placed my hands over my crotch area as well. This took him by surprise and immediately looked at the people on his sides making sure that nobody noticed what I did. When he’s certain that nobody noticed, he returned to staring. This time, he’s no longer stating at my face but on hands that’s on my crotch. I forcibly turned my head to the side so that I can smile without him knowing. I just can’t believe what I’m doing! Then I said to myself, “The apprentice does what the master has done”. When I stared back at him, I saw a little wet spot in his slack. The fucking asshole is having some precum!!! Now that the momentum shifted, I took control. Since I am wearing my usual baggy jogging pants, no one will notice that I have a throbbing hard on underneath. So where’s the fun there? Why not give this fucked up victim of mine a little something before I alight the jeep. I started to move my fingers slowly. I ran it against the outline of my dick making it visible to my victim. He immediately looked from side to side again to ascertain that nobody was looking. But the guy at his right is also watching my performance. I don’t care. I’m getting out this jeep in the next 5 minutes anyway. When the other guy saw the outline of my dick, he gazed away. I guess he’s straight. I returned my attention to the guy in front of me. I’m actually jerking of with my pants still on using only my 2 fingers so that my victim can see the outline of my dick as it grows bigger. My victim finally admitted defeat and took out his hanky to wipe the beads of sweat forming in his forehead. I asked the driver to stop the jeep so I can get off. When I stood up, I winked at the guy and gave him a smile. When I was out in the streets, I looked back at the jeep to check if he will be following me. Unfortunately for him, he did not.

Another day passed in the life of the Dark Knight

PLU Part 3

2007-06-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

My 2nd attempt at it... Continuation of that path of no return.

During the summer after my graduation in high school, my family and a number of family friends went on an outing together in some private resort in the south. We were to live in just one house that had enough rooms to separate the parents from the moms, and the dads; children from the boys, and girls. Therefore, it was going to be alone with the boys again, just like the national convention.

Skip skip the mundane parts...

Night time came... I was beside, Mr. Convention bed buddy, and he was beside one of my crushes way back high school. (Dun dun dun dun...) Temptation got to me and I indulged in it. At first, I was fondling with Mr. Convention and I got the same reaction from the last time, which was no reaction at all. Then I did my thing, but it wasn't just like the first time I did it. Then I thought, why not Mr. Crush? He is just a out stretch arm away.

*TARAN*

I did attempt to do just that. The first thing I tried to do was to test if he was indeed really asleep that time, so I just reached inside his shirt and played with his somewhat hairy tummy and chest. He didn't budge that much, so I continued. Every now and then, I went further and further with my attempts that I would sometimes hit shorts where his crotch was and would stay there for quite some time, then went back to playing with his tummy. For every budge that he made, I would stop and act as if I was sleeping. The temptation to reach inside his pants was just getting to me, that I swoop inside his shorts with my fingers and fondled with the head of his private and teased it a bit. He budged a little, but didn't make any violent movements, so I just acted the way that I would act with every budge, I "slept". Then complete stillness. Then my hands made its way to his shorts again, but this time I grabbed him. I was able to hang on to his private for a maximum of around 10 seconds then he retorted, "Ano bang ginagawa mo!" That's when all fear came over that I pulled back my out stretched arm and pretended not to hear him and slept through the night.

Before I fell asleep, I was wishing and hoping that he would just forget all about it. But to my dismay, the next morning he asked if we could talk in private. Then I made all the excuses possible, and being the good guy that he is. He just let it pass. END of story.

PS I almost had a heart attack when that happened, so the daringness in me has disappeared and has never come back ever.

Update to the UPDATE.:)

2007-05-27T18:06:00.000+08:00

This was IS boy's reply:

don't be too paranoid, though i apologize if my actions made you feel like that...
on the other hand, the reason probably why i hardly responded to you is because i'm also concious about where this is heading...
i still stand the same,
we're close, but i'm not rushing into anything...
it seems like you're really drawn into this already and i don't know how to respond since i don't know if i can give you what you want...
basically, it feels like courtship already, which i think you know, is not what i'm looking for..

1 + 1 = 2

2007-05-27T09:48:00.000+08:00

There are now two people who know about me being me.

I came out to one of my friends just the other day. Let's just say, I came out to him because of his circumstances that I can really relate to...

So there. I came out to him.:)

Speaking of crushes...

2007-05-27T09:22:00.000+08:00

Hay...

I just love walking, driving, and/or loitering around in Makati. It is so crush-material haven.

Just two or three days ago, I was driving my mom to the office. This was around the time when people from the call centers get out from work and the "regular" office people come in for work are walking around in the streets of Makati.

NOTE: Don't get me wrong. I have really have high standards when it comes to crushes, so it isn't just anyone.

As soon as I get to the Don Bosco area in Chino Roces Ave., a man who was trying to cross the street caught my attention. He was nerdy-looking hottie. He had his spectacles on. He wore a white polo shirt with slacks--office clothes. I even think looked like someone in G4M that I message. Well, that was CRUSH #1.

CRUSH #2
This 2nd crush came in when I was somewhere in Amorsolo. Haay... I just stared at him when he cross in front of my car. Waahh... how I wish time stopped when he passed by. (But crush #1 was still on my mind.)

CRUSH #3
I saw him in the Makati Med Area. He looked like a call center agent with his get-up. Another crush-material, but still. CRUSH #1 is on top of my list.:)

Well, just yesterday, I probably found my ultimate crush ever. A person who will haunt me for a really long time. Haay...

He was riding a taxi and was seating on the passenger's seat beside the driver. He was either Chinese, Korean or Japanese(more Chinese, I think). He had slit eyes that drove me crazy(as if I don't have them). He looked so innocent and gentle that I made stare while driving. I almost hit the car right in front of me because of him. Hayy... now that is just some guy don't you think?

Now here I thought, when will someone whom I have a crush on have a crush on me too? And I just hope he moves on these feelings of "crushing" me. Haay... when o when?

Haay... my first...

2007-05-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

Do you remember that first guy you ever had a crush on?

How was he?

What made him so appealing and so magnetic that you had to "crush" him?

It was back when I was still in grade school when I had my first boy crush. He was my "kinakapatid", technically speaking. He lived with my godmother and her family, so that qualifies him as a "kinakapatid". I called this "kinakapatid" of mine, "Kuya". I don't really know why I had a crush on him, but all I know is that he got me hooked the very first time I saw him. I'd stare at him whenever I'm in my godmother's house. It was total admiration. Maybe because he was really kind to me? He'd draw me my favorite anime, talk to me, let me borrow his stuff, play on his computer, almost everything... HE WAS GENUINELY, in the purest altruistic sense, KIND. And I forgot to tell you that he was an uber hottie back then... (I don't really know about describing a person, all I know is he's male with two feet, etc. All I'm certain is he is moreno). He also had his on motocross bike that add to his "hotness"... Haay... that just made me fall...

So he was my first boy crush ever...

To my surprise and by putting things together... I think I saw him yesterday and just confirmed that one of the guys in G4M that I've message was actually the same. Oh my golly... Is fate working my way? Kidding. He was much different now. He was buff. He wore a semi-kalbo hairstyle. (HOT) He is some famous graphic artist in some big shot company. All I'm saying is he is really famous now in the G4M community and elsewhere, even in real life. And I thought of him again. Haay... I miss my "kuya"...

PS I message him on G4M just last night. I don't know if my hunches are true to the core. I still have to wait for his confirmation. I'll update you on this.:)

Deindividuation

2007-05-17T09:05:00.000+08:00

Something I wrote for class with my anonymity at the highest priority level... Although clues are somewhat obvious... I don't really anymore.

Starts here...
____________________________________________________________________

Hello!:)

How do you like my e-mail address? Isn't it just so revealing of what I've been doing online?

Well, I'm someone who you might see as "normal". No nothing and no doubts of who I am in person. However, I'm an entirely different person online. I've actually had cyber sex with a long list of guys on YM chatrooms, when creating your own room was still possible. I've exploited the fact that Americans and other foreigners are all out gullible. I'd pretend to be female and use the pictures of my "friend"(I just know here, but am not really fond of her. Actually, she just outright pisses me off.) to have these men do what I want on cam. Just imagine me mocking them by making them do crazy stuff like doing a striptease and doing stuff to themselves. Enough of that. By the way, I don't just pick random, plain, bland, and average looking guys online. I would actually look for really HOT guys to do my bidding. Just imagine how picky I was and how rude I was when they'd not keep up with my standards. That was before I realize that I was turning out to be a cybersex addict. Really wrong... Really bad...

Then I took a different turn, I started joining groups online that were a bit on the porn site level. Members from all around would actually collect nude pictures and clips to send to group members. This wasn't half as bad as the cyber sex. At least I didn't have to be "creative" or devote too much of my time doing this, since viewing pictures and clips aren't a synchronous business, unlike cyber sex. This was when the hype for sex scandals were so rampant that I'd receive the scandals before they were picked on on showbiz shows.

Then another shift in my online deindividuation activities occurred. After the tendency to teasing men and tricking men to do stuff for me, I explored the idea that I might be into men and that it wasn't just a phase that employed powerplay on them online through cyber sex. I then tried out dating sites for men2men relationships. It was fascinating at first that a site exists and it has a domain/location-based service that is devoted solely for the Philippines. AMAZING! Really amazing. Anyway, so there I was chatting online and just enjoying the level of openness that I would eventually achieve through this site, because somehow I felt that no judgment would come from anyone on this site, since we all had the same preference. So there I was, browsing profiles, chatting with random people who had their cams on for everyone to see, and just every kind of online activity under the sun. Soon enough, I was actually doing EBs. Amazingly, I was able to screen out guys who were clean, honest and decent that my EBs turned out well. I've meet different people on my EBs. One of which was a journalist for different magazines, two call center agents, one law school student in UP, one radio dj of a prominent radio station, another one a supervisor of a big real estate company and other various guys. This site is full of those people who we would term "discreet" or manly. You wouldn't even know that they were into the same sex, unless they actually told you. You wouldn't even doubt the guys I met, but I'm not saying that the site solely consists of these types of guys. In existence are loud and proud gay guys. People who by just looking at what they wear, how they talk, how they act etc. you'd know that they are into the same sex.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that more and more guys now who aren't that obvious about their preferences and who are universally good looking, buff and attractive are actually into same sex relationships. An amazing thing about this site is that I found a heartthrob form one of the colleges in UP who just graduated last April turns out to be into same sex relationships. Just amazing. He is so manly acting that you'd think he's just too picky.Trivia: This site caters to a lot of UP students and even profs. AMAZING. I even know who the prof in that blind item ma'am mentioned in class.

I hope that no judgment comes from this and I just hope you don't try to find out who I am. I just hope that you don't ask anyone who you have hunches on who I might be. I just don't want the confrontation or the judgment. Anyway, I would just like to emphasize that I am no longer a cyber sex addict. No longer a porn site viewer. I am taking things more seriously now. My discovery about myself and about everything I've learned through my online experiences.

The discussion on love just inspired me to write this deindividuation experience. Sorry it took me so long to type this down.

UPDATE: I'm currently dating a guy from an IS school and we are really hitting it off. I hope things work out and we find that kind of love that we talked about in class.:)

Forced on me. Buhuhu... Dark Knight Tagged me.:(

2007-05-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

Rules:
1. Write about how much addicted you are towards something.
2. Don’t forget to include the percentage of ‘addictedness’ towards that thing.
3. All with one condition.. the total percentage must reach 100%.
4. You MUST tag others and continue tagging but please don’t forget to explain the rules and please notify that person so that they know they had been tagged.

50% Internet
My day won't be complete without checking my mail, friendster, and other online accounts, reading blogs, commenting on blogs, and other internet activities. Downloading is also one of my internet activities. Much of what eats up my internet use is chatting. Chatting with in-person friends and online friends. Sometimes I also go to youtube.com to just watch movies, clips and what have you to while away my time.:)

20% TV/Movie watching
One big chunk of my day can also be spent infront of the TV. Watching anything from cartoons to stupid variety shows. Mostly anything worth picking on or atleast worth the information they give out for mingling purposes. I also use to collect original VCDs, DVDs, and VHS tapes of all genres. Everything and anything worthy of awards are always a good watch. Koreanovelas and TV series would also have me hooked all day long. This addiction also coincides with internet use because of the movies/shows that I download.

10% Sleep
On a really boring day, I would just sleep and sleep and Zzzz...

30% Hanging out
One of my addictions that might keep me going and energize is going out with friends just to hang out. Maybe "dates" are also considered hanging out. Any sort of mingling or socializing is a major part of my life. I'd probably go crazy if in a day I wasn't able to talk to a real live person. I'm a very social person, so talking and getting to know people is really what I am.;)

I told my friend...

2007-05-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

Guess what I've been doing this mother's day? I've been coming out to one of my friends in college.

For real.

I just did.

And he just got a shock of his life.

Oh well, this friend of mine is a really obvious gay guy. Once he talks, you'll surely know that his gay. Anyway, it was a usual text conversation. I was asking him how his love life is going and all that jazz. Then he suddenly turned tables on me. I was the one being "interrogated". Then the question about how my love life is and why aren't I telling my piece.

(dun.. dun.. dun..)

Should I tell him? Tell him not? Umm....

Then my reply went like this...

"Let's just say that what I'm going through is not "normal". That's why no one knows. And it should stay that way.:)"

then he tries to get it out of me...

"Don't get offended ha hmmm... you belong?:)"

So that's how all the interrogation started.

When I typed in a reply that had "G4M" in it. He immediately gave me a call. And screamed, "Kailan pa? KAILAN PA?"

That just got me laughing. Haha!:)

You get how this goes...

Anyway, the interrogation continues tomorrow. Wish me luck guys.:)

PLU part 2

2007-05-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

So here I go... New school. New people. New image. New start.

The school I transfered to was very "intimate". People from high school knew everyone from the lower batches, down to kids from preschool. There was no way that you can do anything that couldn't be noticed, so this was kinda "reform" school for me. One wrong move and my new image would turn to bad and then turn to "GAY" bad.

First year was crucial in molding the image people would remember me as, so I took away what was "bad" in me and just left out all the "nice" things. Soon enough I achieved the image that I wanted and would want to have. People respected me and no one would dare tell me that I was so and so. First year was a breeze. I was friends with everyone and everyone knew me for what image I portrayed.

Here comes second year, I was aiming to maintain what I already built up during first year, so I planned to do the same routine, to mingle with the same people, and to practically not change myself relative to first year. My plan didn't go as smooth as I would have wanted it to be. New students came into the picture. Most of which are from schools who didn't tolerate people with a bit of "gayness" in them, so I was their prey. I get teased for every small "gayness" that I showed. I was even picked on for having more friends who were girls than boys and for choosing to hang out with them. My argument to this kind of accusation up to this day is that "boys" don't really talk about serious/important stuff as compared to girls. So every so often I reconsidered what I was doing to myself, and what kind of changes am I subjecting myself to doing. Together with all the teasing and all the frustrations I had, I think I was having my first serious girl crush. We would talk everyday, and would talk on the phone for endless hours. However, the year came to a close and I considered what happened to us as a phase in our friendship. Put those two highlights in my 2nd year life and I turned out jaded.

Hooray 3rd year, this was were it all started. I was becoming more into the idea that I have guy crushes and it would be wrong to restrict myself from giving in to that feeling. My two guy batchmates, who were a year or two younger than I was and are really cute, were into the exploration bit of their lives. Since we were really "close and bonded" already, there was no more boundaries and no more protocols to how we should treat each other. So I was able to hug them all the time without repercussions to my identity as boy. Soon enough, the hugging went further. These guys were also getting touchy. We went further from the hugging bit. We went as far as playing with each others' private parts as if it was a game. Maybe a game for them, but a move further to "gayness" for me. This openness led to more than just playing with private parts' it also led to them actually showing it to me. With this "go" signal I had from them, I ventured off to what I thought was "normal". I would really coax them into our game as often as possible. And I can't really blame myself, I loved the feeling.

Anyway, together with what was happening, I was getting really close with another girl batchmate that I had. She was a new student and was really pretty in my sight--physically and all. Our relationship was so mutual that our parents were so into it that they would talk about stuff like we were an actual couple. This "relationship" somehow gave me the opportunity to explore my "maleness" and how good it felt to be liked by a girl. We were an item during those times. But the question of "Why am I giving in to the feeling wherein I know that I am much more into guys than girls?" came to be. I was more confused now than I was in 2nd year.

Last year of high school soon came, I was still having my moments with the girl from third year and was really enjoying whatever we shared. This then took a sharp turn, when sleepovers were introduced to my vocabulary. As normal high school sleepovers would go, it was an all guy sleepover or an all girl sleepover and no exceptions. So I was then immersed again to the idea that I was more into guys than girls. Soon enough, I found out about my guy friends' sleeping habits and who would wake up from small movements and turns on the bed. With a number sleepovers in my tab, one of the most awaited events in my school came. We were going to a national convention, so this meant "one major sleepover".

This was where it all started. We were to share a room with as much as 10-12 people, so sharing beds was the way to go. I was assigned to sleep with my close guy friend who was 2 years younger than I was. He was among those people I was really crushing on. This guy was built and was developing nice pecs. Hayyy... Hormones working. In the span of two nights I was able to reconnect with his sleeping habits, and soon realized that he was a really sound sleeper. No sound or movement could wake him up when he is in his deep sleep phase. To top it of, on that third night that we were going to sleep together, he decided to go shirtless. Golly wow. Hormones working overtime. So I attempted to do the craziest thing ever in my life, I tried to touch his privates and even went further and kissed him. He didn't budge and didn't even react to what I was doing, so I took it as a sign that I could go much further. I played with his body. I squeezed his butt, played with his nipples, licked whatever part I liked, and did almost every crazy thing I could think of, but I did all these with his shorts on.

Then I thought, what if I try that thing I see in pornsites? What if I try to put his private in my mouth? How would it feel? So I went much further and put my hands inside his shorts and played with his private. It was throbbing hard from the air-conditioner and to make my hormones go on overdrive I grabbed his hand and made him touch my now throbbing private. Waahh... I felt so aroused doing this. I ventured to the path of no return. I dove in and tried to put his private in my mouth. It felt good, so I did it as many times as possible without waking him up. I really liked it, with much of what I was doing I soon enough cummed. And I called a night.

The next morning came and as if nothing happened. He was really a sound sleeper then. Thank the heavens.

That first attempt at it created a craving in me like no other. I just had to have more of what I experience.

How did I know that I am PLU?

2007-05-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

Umm...

I was in grade school then and was attending an exclusive school for boys in Makati. *hint*hint* I was a complete extrovert back then. I had friends from all the sections in my level and some even in higher batches. Considering that I had so many friends(medyo mayabang noh?), I hang out with different groups of people all year round. You can probably consider me a friend to all, but a friend to none. This was how I was back then. No permanent group that I actually stay with, so much of the influences, habits, and mannerisms were a mixture from all the groups. I enjoyed the company of the following: 1.) overachievers, 2.) athletic, 3.) goody-goodies, 4.) dropouts, and most important of all, 5.) GUYS WHO HAVE CRUSHES ON GUYS, in short, gay.

During the earlier years of my grade school, I was able to balance all my activities with these different groups. Soon enough I forge a new group which was synthesis of all the differing groups which was mostly composed of the 5th group, this group I really call my own. And I stuck with them. Considering how much time I spent and talked with these "guys", I acquired most of the mannerisms, habits, and just almost everything. Having all these in me I was not "normal" anymore. I started having crushes on my guy friends and even went to extremes of getting stuff that they own so I can imagine that they were with me when they were really not. This was also the time where I explored porn sites, much of which were gay porn sites. Hallelujah! I really veered away from normalcy and there was no turning back anymore.

But something happened back then, my parents were fighting and them separating was imminent. Then there it goes, my dad commits a major bubu and they get separated.

Upon separation, my mom brought me and my brothers to the states to migrate and become citizens. This happened mid-grade school years. So much of what I acquired was tamed down and some of which where actually diluted to as much as nothing. I was normal again. A year of staying in the states, my mom decided that we should go back to the Philippines and that the states isn't really for us.

Still separated, my mom and dad were still at it. This infused much rage for my dad that I started to hate him and love for my mom just grew. This is where it all starts again...

I go back to the same exclusive boy school and I get reunited with friends from the past. So back to my old gay ways.

Somehow along the way, my mom notices the drastic changes in me and finds out through a notebook where I wrote much of the details of my gay life. So I had the mother-to-son talk that I'm a boy and should act like one.

Just before I entered grade 6, amazingly, my parents got back together, so I was in the watchful eyes of both my mom and dad. Still the changes are still somehow showing, even if I tried so badly to change myself. So my parents decided on my grade school graduation day that I will transfer to a new school come high school.

This is a new story all together.... Next post. This is getting to be too boring anyways.

Thank you for getting down here.:)

Blogging?

2007-05-05T11:34:00.000+08:00

I'm no cat, but I'm a cox.

Kinda confusing, right?

I'm hooked. My internet use won't be complete without checking on my friends', online friends', and other forms of friends' blogs. So here I go with my own blog with attempts to entice, to lure, and to capture blog readers to read about MY life with all its complexity...